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書抄 #12

[我不明白為甚麼有人會說Baudrillard 很「虛無」,明明是那麼戰戰競競,珍重的注意著人倫的世界。]

[在擠擁的列車上,溫血的身體在冷凍的車廂裡避開不避開也是那麼那麼即近,我看著周圍或站或坐,拉著扶手挽著親人,談笑或沉默,相忘於手機或流動視訊屏幕的顯示,假日稍息的你我,那些我沒法記起任何一個容貌的人們,好奇他們的動靜,邊翻著書以為知道了一個秘密一樣讀著這段,抬頭,又看到換作別人站在剛剛那人站著的位置上,而剛剛那人一定是沒有人在意的時候下車了‧‧‧‧‧‧如此,一個個彼此陌生的人沒在意地,放心靠在一起。]

The objective illusion is the physical fact that in this universe no things coexist in real time – not sexes, stars, this glass, this table, or myself and all that surrounds me. By the fact of dispersal and the relative speed of light, all things exist only in a recorded version, in an unutterable disorder of time-scales, at an inescapable distance from each other. And so they are never truly present to each other, nor are they, therefore, ‘real’ for each other. The fact of this irremediable distance and this impossible simultaneity, the fact that when I perceive this star it has perhaps already disappeared — a relationship which can be extended, relatively speaking, to any physical object or living being — this is the ultimate foundation, the material definition, so to speak, of illusion.

The illusion of time is of the same order. It is the objective fact that you are never entirely there at the particular moment, and that integral presence is only ever virtual. If it is true that at any point in time you are in that moment and not elsewhere, you are never at the single point where the whole event might be said to be summed up. ‘Real’ time does not, therefore, exist; no one exists in real time; nothing takes place in real time — and the misunderstanding is total.

This distance is vital, for without it we would perceive nothing; everything would be totally crowded together, as it doubtless was in the primal state of the world — the only state we can say existed in real time, since all matter was coexistent with itself, present itself at a single point and a single moment. Once that initial (and perfectly hypothetical) state came to an end, the illusion of the world began. Everything began to exist but, by that very token, did so on the basis of a relative but definitive absence of every thing from every other. Hence on the basis of an irrevocable illusion.

That distance, that absence, are today under threat. What is impossible at the cosmic level (that the night should disappear by the simultaneous perception of the light of all the stars) or in the sphere of memory and time (that all the past should be perpetually present, and the events should no longer fade into the mists of time) is possible today in the technical universe of information. The info-technological threat is the threat of an eradication of the night, of that precious difference between night and day, by a total illumination of all moments. In the past, messages faded on a planetary scale, faded with distance. Today we are threatened with lethal sunstroke, with a blinding profusion, by the ceaseless feedback of all information to all points of globe.

It’s a good thing we ourselves do not live in real time! What would we be in ‘real’ time? We would be identified at each moment exactly with ourselves. A torment equivalent to that of eternal daylight — a kind of epilepsy of presence, epilepsy of identity. Autism, madness. No more absence from oneself, no more distance from others. Now, otherness is that happy distortion without which everyone would simultaneously be me. It is the vital illusion of otherness which prevents the ego from succumbing to absolute reality. Language, too, is what prevents everything from signifying at every moment, and allows us to escape the perpetual irradiation of meaning. This specific illusion of language, this poetic function, no longer exists in virtual or digital languages, where the equivalence is total, the interaction as well regulated as in closed question-and-answer circuits and the energy as immediately decodable as a heat source’s energy is decodable by the water in a pan. These languages are no more languages than the computer-generated image is an image.

Fortunately, something in language is irreducible to this computation, something in the subject is irreducible to identification, something in exchange is irreducible to interaction and communication.

 

—Jean Baudrillard. The Perfect Crime (Le crime parfait). Trans. Chris Turner. London & New York: Verso, 2008. p.53-55

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留言 17 Mar, 12

be still and know that you are infinite...

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留言 01 Jan, 12

書抄 #11

i remember in Mike Hodges’ Croupier there were lines like these on the voice over, “gambling is not about money,” the croupier who dyed his hair black for his work coldly, and almost wearily explains, (to his unconvinced fiancée, who was killed later in the film, and to his audience, very probably including he himself) “…it’s about the outright denial of the odds of life…” The croupier in the film, is also a writer striving for his first publication, he contemplates and takes on the tone of the subjects he is writing about, the gamblers themselves, “He wants to fuck over the whole world – to ruin himself and everyone else…” Strictly observing his professionalism throughout the whole film we, of course, never did once see him gamble… with money; instead he, should i say, rather accidentally, puts every thing other than money at stake.

The croupier, played (methodologically) by Clive Owen, is named Jack. At one point he muses, “In life there is a choice: be a gambler or a croupier.” The haunting voice goes on, “…I was hooked on watching punters lose.” Oh Jack, how does it feel when you call “Black Jack,” or a “Zero,” winningly devoid of affection in your voice? But Jack! Whose life? And, which life?

The croupier Jack wrote about in his book, is simply named Jake.

It is not  altogether difficult to expect reluctance on the part of Jack’s fiancée, to condone that Jake in the book, she was almost nauseating on the spot, horrified and heatedly she told Jack that she doesn’t like the book. On demand of an explanation, she says, “…there is no hope in it.”

And yes, there should be a young woman like Kate Hardie, who appears as Bela in the film… or a Sonya Marmeladov, or Anna Snitkina; they share that some thing i simply envy, and adore.

Porcelain. Ed. D Alexandrovna. Exist Random, 1999. p4-6

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留言 16 Sep, 11

書抄 #10

The Cutlers

They spent their days singing psalms and making knives. They made blades better than anyone in the whole of Silesia and fitted them with carefully polished handles made of ash wood, which every human hand fell in love with instantly. They sold them once a year in early autumn when the apples were ripening on the trees. They held a sort of fair, which attracted people from all over the district; they each bought several knives, sometimes as many as a dozen, in order to sell them on at a profit. During these fairs people forget that the Cutlers were of a different faith and believed in a different God, and that it would have been easy to produce evidence and drive them away. For who would make such good knives then?

Whenever they bore a child they mourned instead of rejoicing. Whenever someone died, they undressed him, laid his naked corpse in a hole in the ground and danced around the open grave.

Their settlement was at one end of a line of hills that divided two mountain chains. There was a stone building in the middle of a few small, windowless mud huts that looked like dog kennels. These huts were full of knives. They stored them the ways cheeses are hung up for smoking, with the blades hanging downwards from the wooden ceilings. They swung in the draught, clanging against each other like bells. People walked fearlessly beneath this sky full of blades, the steel tips touching their heads.

They had a very curious belief about how the world began – they believed that all matter is the ‘affect’ of the spirit: the spirit grew forgetful, stopped concentrating and experienced something that it is not supposed to – an affect, that is, an overpowering emotion. (The theologians later puzzled on what sort of an emotion it might have been – terror perhaps, or maybe despair at the idea of existing and having no escape from existence? But there is no clear explanation.)

The Cutlers believed that the soul is a knife stabbed into the body, which forces it to undergo the incessant pain that we call life. It animates the body, while at the same time killing it, for every day of life takes us further away from God. If man did not have a soul he would not suffer. He would live like a plant in the sunlight, like an animal that grazes in sunny pastures, but because he has a soul, which at the very start of its existence once looked upon God’s inexpressible radiance, everything seems dark to him. To be a small piece chipped off the whole, but to remember that whole, to be made for death, but have to live, to have been killed but to remain alive – that’s what it means to have a soul.

Morning and evening they chanted their mournful psalms -as they cut ash wood for handles, as they melted steel and shape the blades, as they shook wild apples from the trees in autumn, and as they cared for their few children – those unfortunate creatures who had unwittingly come into the world.

They had eccentric customs, and their whole way of life was eccentric. Whenever they had intercourse, they took care to prevent the semen from reaching the womb. They spilled it on the ground as an offering to their God, imagining that divine radiance lay hidden in human semen, and that by making an offering this way, they were releasing it from matter and returning it to God. This is why they rarely bore children.

Their only form of prayer was the lamentatons they called psalms, while their only ritual was this spilling of their semen as an offering. Otherwise they did not pray; they thought of God as a superhuman being who had nothing in common with man and did not even understand human prayers.

– Olga Tokarczuk. House of Day, House of Night. Trans. Antonia Lloyd-Jones. Illinois: Northwestern University Press, 2003. p.207-209

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留言 22 Aug, 11

tag:《字花》

這些天我把五年來在《字花》發表的文章貼了出來,見下面的索引。

之前刊在《字花》的文章一直沒有貼在網誌,是惜「花」的心態,希望有想看到我的文字的少數讀者,知道文章不會轉載網上,會去買本《字花》來讀,這一廂情願的想法不知曾否湊效。這中間,不覺已經五年,現在心態有變,覺得《字花》都站穩了,也不能偏心得那麼明顯,把文章陸續貼到blog 上,算是多一個寄存。

除第二期刊出的〈強化玻璃〉遺失了電子檔,暫無暇照紙本逐字打出來之外,第三期刊出的〈離線生活(三)〉、〈只是,好想寫下去〉已收入《房間》,小說〈門〉經重新修訂、已收錄在《走著瞧──香港新銳作者六人合集》(字花編輯部編,水煮魚文化,2010),這些因為要勸買未有貼出。

‧‧‧‧‧‧有時候我都說不清和《字花》結緣是怎樣開始的,我知道《字花》主要是因為智海那時幫他們做美術,第一次在《字花》發表的其實不是寫作而是第一期封底那張照片‧‧‧‧‧‧前些天聽說《字花》換班,才想起這五年好長,也好短,從創刊到現在,他們走過的這些路想必是理念/實踐的辯證過程,我期待將來有人認真檢討這個經驗,現在又是一個階段的起端,幾乎所有人都早就不在五年前那個位置了‧‧‧‧‧‧

怎也好,可以這麼說嗎,若果沒有《字花》約稿,這些文章就大抵不會寫出來了,而這些文章就算不好,對我來說都是珍貴的。

我寫很慢,愈來愈慢。曾經約我寫稿的好幾位《字花》編輯,都給我很充裕的時間,也會跟我討論,甚至爭執,也會在我寫不出甚麼的時候鼓勵,應該催稿的時候反而多給我時間,等我‧‧‧‧‧‧所以這些文章寫的不好是我的責任,要是有寫得尚算不錯,是因為他們的包容和支持。編輯的工作總是不起眼的。

 

〈我們要毀滅舊世界並以______取代它!〉《字花》第31期「專題:戰鬥者,筆桿擊浪」,2011年5-6月

「太初有道」〉《字花》第27期「眉批」,p.100-101。2010年9-10月

〈我想到某些人失去了永遠找不回的東西〉《字花》第24期「波特萊爾與我們」小輯,p.120-124。2010年3-4月

〈旅行心理〉《字花》第23期「特集:旅行呀旅行」,p.16-17。2010年1-2月

〈藍精靈、咪達口坐侖、偉哥〉《字花》第21期「紅白藍」,p.9。2009年9-10月

〈耳鳴〉《字花》第18期「特集:愛到死」,p.14-16。2009年2-3月

〈矚目皆是,美麗與光明〉《字花》第17期「踩場」,p.81。2008年12月-2009年1月

〈睡著失眠〉《字花》第15期「食買瞓」,p.9。2008年8-9月

〈頭像與斷肢〉《字花》第15期「踩場」,p.81。2008年8-9月

〈我們都是精神病患:李智良、張歷君對談(節選)〉《字花》第14期「文學與診療」小輯,p.106-111。2008年6-7月

〈眼目所見〉《字花》第13期「踩場」,p.83。2008年4-5月

〈死咬春不放〉《字花》第12期「特集:咬」,p.10-11。2008年2-3月

〈道成肉身:迫害妄臆者的回憶與案例〉《字花》第11期「四方月亮」,p.118-125。2007年12月-2008年1月

〈譯選: Daniel Paul Schreber Memoirs of My Nervous Illness(1)(2)(3)(4)《字花》第11期「四方月亮」,p.118-125。2007年12月-2008年1月

〈巴塔耶:肉身淫穢,意志退敗〉《字花》第5期「巴塔耶小輯」,p.124-126。2006年12月-2007年1月

〈約規〉《字花》第3期「走著瞧:李智良小輯」,p.97。2006年8-9月

〈離線生活(三)〉《字花》第3期「走著瞧:李智良小輯」,p.95-96。2006年8-9月

〈門〉《字花》第3期「走著瞧:李智良小輯」,p.93-94。2006年8-9月

〈只是,好想寫下去〉《字花》第3期「走著瞧:李智良小輯」,p.92。2006年8-9月

〈強化玻璃〉《字花》第2期,p.11-14。2006年6-7月

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3 則留言 25 Jul, 11

咩紙鷂呀?

〈風箏〉寫於1925 年一月 (注1),講魯迅後悔年少時欺負小弟,把他的風箏毀壞,多年後與弟弟重提舊事,想得到寬恕而對方卻早把整件事忘記了,不知道還能希求甚麼,「心只得沉重著」。這個「故事」的梗概,早在1919 年的〈我的兄弟〉寫過;何以魯迅把一件弟弟已經忘記的往事一提再提?已經42 歲的魯迅,何苦要為廿幾三十年前的事折磨自己?

我們固然知道,魯迅寫〈風箏〉的時候,與二弟周作人因為1923 年夏天發生一宗耐人尋味的「家庭糾紛」決裂不夠兩年,此期間與盲婚的元配朱安和守寡的母親愈搬愈遠,有八道灣的大屋不能住,先是遷往磚塔胡同,後又搬到西三條胡同的新屋,住落才不過半年,時值農曆新年,本該一家人坐埋一檯齊齊整整,兄弟明明同住一城卻互不往還......要對號入座的話,魯迅把原來〈我的兄弟〉(注2)三百多字就寫完的事,「小事化大」,一書再書,更於弟弟有份創辦的雜誌發表,可能有向弟弟委婉求和之意。〈我的兄弟〉中,「他仍是很要好的叫『哥哥』。」的結局亦改寫了,慨歎兄弟手足之情今不復在,自責、虧欠,「無怨的恕」的心理描述,像魯迅設置給自己的陷阱,又如刑犯示眾,而施刑者又是自己落力擔演,叫人難忍。

然而魯迅寫的不是日記,不是自傳,我們不能把它等同研究魯迅生平幾時做了甚麼的一般史料看待。〈風箏〉一題,分明是寄喻之物,更是與〈我的兄弟〉的直述大相逕違,它本身除了兄弟情的歎喟,「大蝦細遲早俾屎餵」的「故事」與教訓外,另有更深刻的意圖。後來〈風箏〉收入「獻于友與仇,人與獸,愛者與不愛者之前作證」的《野草》,沒有收入魯迅自言是有關「思鄉的蠱惑」的回憶文集《朝花夕拾》,更是有意識的區分(注3);〈風箏〉裡那個在「這異地的空中」一次又再一次出現的故鄉溫暖春色,所指的固然是作者兒時生活的紹興,父親過世以前的「孩提時代」,但它同時也另有所指,是〈我的兄弟〉沒有觸及。

欺凌背後的自我否定

但風箏並不是如魯迅所說,「是沒出息孩子所做的玩藝。」戰國時代就有木鳶飛了,到紙發明了以後,漢代有人用紙鷂來測量,南北朝有人用作戰爭通訊,而魯迅不可能不知道清明節「斷鷂放災」的習俗。

少年的魯迅要把弟弟所嚮往,既然沒錢買、哥哥又不許放、唯有偷偷撿些枯枝來造的風箏撕毀、踏扁,還冷酷的「傲然走出,留他絕望地站在小屋里。」又說「後來他怎樣,我不知道,也沒有留心。」除了說他年紀輕輕就懂得冷酷無情,又深明忽略乃虐待他人的上乘之法,我們可以直接指出:魯迅無法面對弟弟單純的、小朋友的微小願望。魯迅懊悔,掉入深刻的自省,他同時也為自己感到羞恥──他羞恥自己的羞恥。魯迅無法回答為甚麼不給弟弟放放風箏,更無法向弟弟說明放風箏和「沒出息」兩者間的關係,那不過是一種託辭,而他要弟弟得著「教訓」的方法,不也就是暴力和冷漠!當時也不過約莫十三、四歲的魯迅,為甚麼會那麼厭恨「沒出息孩子」,而他何以會以此種方式施行「身教」?

不過約莫十三、四歲的魯迅對「多病,瘦得不堪」的弟弟感情複雜,說他總是「張著小嘴,呆看著空中出神,有時至於小半日。」其實一直留意著他、眼角勾著不放,處處受牽動的是魯迅自己;說弟弟看著人家的風箏動不動就「驚呼」,又會「高興得跳躍」的表現「看來都是笑柄,可鄙的」,是明白否定孩童遊戲的歡笑,卻藏不了深深的忌恨──「我睇見你個樣就憎」的意思是,我多想好似你咁、活得那麼容易。弟弟為了一個沒錢買的紙鷂天真著迷的神態,自是惹來「知道」既不可天真更不可給人看扁的「兄長」討厭,恨鐵不成鋼......〈風箏〉裡的少年魯迅許是以這樣扭曲的心理,藉否定弟弟來否定自己裡面那個軟弱的、害怕被當成沒出息的「孩子」。在那場完全沒有聲音描述的「精神的虐殺」場境中,他既「在破獲秘密的滿足中,又很憤怒他的瞞了我的眼睛」,彷彿弟弟真的做了些甚麼罪惡的事,讓他眼紅,而當他能夠對自己的感情一樣冷寞,徹底否定、鄙視「驚惶地站了起來,失了色瑟縮著」的「弱者」,在「這樣苦心孤詣地來偷做沒出息孩子的玩藝」罪有應得的弟弟面前,不哼聲不動一根眉毛,依次「折斷了胡蝶的一支翅骨,又將風輪擲在地下,踏扁了」,搗毀了的自然不單單風箏的翅膀和風輪,他「得到完全的勝利」,幾乎取代了〈五猖會〉那個不可理喻的嚴父,甚至,可說是一種自我的,對自己的童年與「無邪」的埋葬。少年魯迅所受的教養、際遇和社會訓練,一方面讓他加快成人,不屑兒戲,也讓他的「自我反省」一直延遲到長了胡子的中年,還得因為「偶而看了一本外國的講論兒童的書」才萌發,一待就是廿多年的「虧欠」壓在心頭,「心只得沉重著」。

原地流放的記憶與反省

魯迅研究者錢理群在《魯迅入門讀本》的導讀裡就指出,「〈風箏〉的特異之處,自然是在童年回憶的『春日的溫和』裡,注入了『嚴冬的肅殺』──『二十年來毫不憶及的幼小時候對於精神虐殺的這一幕,忽地在眼前展開』,不僅使魯迅自己,更使我們每一個讀者的心,都『彷彿同時變了鉛塊,很重很重的墮下去』。而最耐琢磨的卻是結尾的這一句:『我倒不如躲到肅殺的嚴冬去罷』,這正是最典型魯迅式的情感選擇方式。」(注4)

但,魯迅到底選擇了甚麼?

錢理群用「回憶的套子」的說法來說明〈風箏〉的敘述架構和象徵秩序,指第一、二段和最後一段的景物描寫,產生了「嚴冬的肅殺」與「春日的溫和」兩個「概念」,所指的「已經不是自然季節給人的感覺,而是一種生存環境、人生際遇、生命狀態、情感選擇的象徵」(注5) 如果用視覺化的說法,就像繪畫和攝影「框裡有框」的取景,〈風箏〉首尾兩部分,把內文有關故鄉溫暖春天和「精神虐殺」事件,框置在更大的一幅現實的嚴冬畫面裡,恰恰是此種框置與比照,讓人更意覺回憶中那溫煦的春天,即便讓人響往,實為天上的海市蜃樓,不可企及之物。然而,風箏同樣在「嚴冬的肅殺」與「春日的溫和」兩個畫面裡出現,是現實與記憶,嚴冬與春日的脆弱連繫,它記認那個不可歸返、無法改寫的童年,它的溫煦,同時包含連串的遺憾。對於文中那個在異地的冬日,望向天上卻看到舊時故鄉的春色,執著記憶的「我」來說,風箏是那麼的刺眼,既是羞恥的象徵,也是現實的諷刺,卻又是「我」之所執持──只有我執著記憶、執著於羞恥、執著於懲罰和無可補過,而不論是遺忘者與憶記者,「我們會面的時候,是臉上都已添刻了許多「生」的辛苦的條紋」,卻只有「我」的心很沉重 。

魯迅選擇了如「嚴冬的肅殺」現實,不作迴避,他選擇了記憶,即使那是極為痛苦的記憶。對「精神的虐殺」的反省,包含了對「遺忘」的警醒:正正是「遺忘」,取消了任何「寬恕」、任何「體諒」、任何與他人或與昔日犯錯的自己「和解」的可能,於是兄弟永遠隔絕於無法感受對方的生活軌跡上。正因為此,魯迅選擇了痛苦的自我拷問,痛與記憶總是相隨。

(小題為編輯所加)
________________________________
1. 原發表於魯迅、周作人、錢玄同、林語堂等人創立的《語絲》文藝周刊,1925年2月2日,第十二期。

2. 1919年,魯迅就以「神飛」為筆名在《國民公報》“新文藝”欄內發表過一組散文詩,共七篇,總題為〈自言自語〉,其中的第七篇《我的兄弟》即是《風箏》的雛形。同在〈自言自語〉的另外兩篇,〈火的冰〉和〈我的父親〉後來分別改寫為《野草集》裡的〈死火〉和《朝花夕拾》的〈父親的病〉。
錢理群,〈對比閱讀:從《我的兄弟》到《風箏》〉。見:http://blog.stnn.cc/wjzbe/Efp_Bl_1004813151.aspx

3. 《朝花夕拾》小引,《鲁迅全集》第2卷,人民文学出版社1981年版。

4. 見:《魯迅入門讀本》(上),錢理群編。台北:台灣社會研究雜誌出版社;唐山發行,2009。

5. 錢理群,〈對比閱讀:從《我的兄弟》到《風箏》〉。見:http://blog.stnn.cc/wjzbe/Efp_Bl_1004813151.aspx

原刊《筆尖》第2 期「經典重讀」,2011 年7-8 月,頁40-42。

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留言 08 Jul, 11

人們必然相遇

A schizophrenic out for a walk is a better model than a neurotic lying on the analyst’s couch.

—Deleuze & Guattari

因及一種歷史過程,人們丟失了記認自己的名字。

走在街上,我常會覺著我不屬於那裡,與幾乎所有人一樣,我正前往某處,不然就是剛從某處離開,如果我不跟人說話,不向人示意,遵行交通規則,方向指示,那麼我是透明的,我甚麼都不是,「我」不過是潮汐人流中驟然浮顯的一抹水紋、旋繞的一下水花,但我所感所見的「現實」──不論是道旁失修的牆垣上刷不掉的宣傳標語,因修葺市容而設置的LED路燈照亮的野花,或是在光潔的商店櫥窗前面蹣跚走過的流浪人 ──明明是因我而生成的。而我只有這個無可把握的「現實」,我在它裡面,同時被它排拒於外。

人的身體無可避免的佔有空間,於是一個人所看見的,別人無法站在同一個位置看見。這裡面還有一個時間的維度,而我看到的不過是這許多人的曲折生命裡頭其中幾秒鐘的情節,瑣細,因而無可重複,幾乎珍貴,人同此心,心同此理,但一個人的表情沒法在另一個人的臉上展現。

我在移動,我所感知的「世界」隨我移動,當我停下,它轉瞬即逝,一切全無預兆的發生,隨又全無預兆的消失。(2005年12月17日晚「灣仔淪陷」,但2005年12月18日早晨一切復又如像甚麼都沒有發生)我以為我進入了自己的夢中,經歷著不得改寫的情境依次搬演,白日如蝕,夜幕沒有遮蔽黑暗。噤聲的人會突然看見另外的,噤著聲過活的人。

「世界」明明是由這許多過客的活動,意志與欲望生成的,無人能夠看見另一個人所看見,無人能夠感知另一個人所感知,但這建築於錯認,無法互相溝通的敘事,過往的鬼魂壓在吾人的背上、焦慮著未竟的將來的臆幻,被認作真實,存有於外在。

惟是,正如人看不到自己的背面、無法看見自己睡著的臉,人無法看見臨在當下、己身所處的姿勢與意態。一個城市的街景疊印著另一個城市的街景,無以對照。

Q&A
CB=中國百老匯;L=李智良

CB:你是個作家,為何也進行攝影?

L:這個問題很有趣,除了手機的內建相機,現在不是很多人都有至少一部便攜式數碼相機,甚至半專業、或專業到連記者都不會用的數碼相機嗎?拍照片基本上已經取代了經驗本身,譬如說你在派對認識了一個正妹,你跟她拍照,再把照片放到社交網站,標題:「昨晚在某會所認識的」,這和極力營造明信片風格的旅遊照或是「日系風格」、「Lomo風格」的私相簿式生活照異曲同工,照片等同經驗的全部,正如Facebook 相冊引證了一個人的社交網絡、身份與魅力...照片是一種證明,沒有「證明」的事情就等於沒發生過,如果沒有拍到照片,上面說的這個正妹是「不存在」的,你也沒有「真的」認識了她,所以我們整天都在為自己不甚了了、或是已經麻痺的生活經驗找證明,拍照片是一種很重要的機制。

然後我想到這個問題的提法,好像把寫作和攝影視為兩個專業,各有各的範疇、或本位,譬如說你可以是愛好攝影的作家,愛好下廚的白領,但作家或是白領才是你的本位,這個專擅、專門做一種事情的「身份」其實很局限,人本來就有各種創造性的潛能,但專業化把人的生活局限了,而我並不是個很專心的人,也常會覺得無論是「作家」或是謙稱「文字工作者」的身份都很有問題...也可以這麼說,因為一些因緣或條件,我的寫作比較多人注意,但我一直也有拍照,有些朋友也很喜歡我拍的,只是相比起寫作、出書,我沒有花那麼多時間,也沒有很著意的把它當成「專業」去做。

CB:文學和攝影,對你而言,是兩種怎樣的創作方式?有何異同?

L:羅伯特•布列松(Robert Bresson)這麼說的,「Words should say everything an image can’t」文字該道出影象所不能道出的一切。對應這說法,影象該拍下文字不能表述、令人無語的一切。在於我,兩者是互不排除的,我倒是發覺拍照片比較像是種發現自己的過程,照片洗出來的時候我才看到自己拍的時候看不到的東西,才比較意覺自己的「視角」,支撐那「凝視──凝視之物」的欲望經濟和距離。寫作於我是沒有那麼強的距離感,它比較親密,無論是跟自己裡面的聲音,或是想接近的、想描劃的事物或情境;我和我的寫作也比較糾結,我需要它而它其實不需要我,像一種不能滿足的欲望,往往是寫作把作為寫者的「我」首先消弭掉。但我想強調,這個區分並不是很清楚瞭然的,創作是一種運動(movement)的話,用攝影,繪畫或是雕刻,都是同一種運動與擺盪。


CB:你以菲林相機拍攝,為何不用數碼相機?而你也堅持不裁剪相片,有什麼原因嗎?

L:這個問題任何一個網上攝影論壇都會有人鬧得面紅耳熱,數碼和菲林的成象和作業方式的確有差別,說不上好壞優劣,我的喜好也只是喜好而已,一開始接觸的是菲林相機,爸爸的Ricoh KR-5、爺爺的Olympus 120風琴… 於是「相機」在我的認知裡一直就是菲林相機,我也碰到過出生到今天從沒接觸過菲林的年青人,其實道理也一樣...往後我也用過那些(當時)很先進,很多功能的專業/半專業單反,也有拿朋友的數碼相機來用,甚麼級數都有,但無論如何我都覺得那許多制紐和選單讓我很頭暈目眩,總覺得那台相機在檔著我拍照。我現在用的相機都很「簡單」,我只是要上片,調光圈、快門,調焦距,取景,按快門,因為常常用同一種菲林連測光都不用,數碼相機的市場不知怎的就是沒有這麼一台「簡單直接」的相機──而誰又會有錢買徠卡M9呢?這到底是介面使用上習慣不習慣的問題而已...

然後我想和書的例子也差不多:一本書可以放幾十年,甚至我們還找到幾百年前的古籍,電子書的確愈來愈興盛但始終沒有淘汰、也無法取代印刷書;菲林也一樣,晚清年代的底片就算發霉泡水,在有經驗的人手上還是可以把它收復,再沖放成照片,那些二三十年代的相機也還有人在用、有人會修理,但數碼相機和電子檔呢?電腦垮掉就沒有了,即使錄成光碟,五年十年後檔案隨時會毀損而消失掉,或是整個制式給淘汰了。這麼說,數位化讓我們記錄更多的同時也讓我們的記憶更急速消失...再然後,我覺得菲林有種很誘人的物質性...

至於不裁照片,一張照片本身已經是一個斷然的切割,它是某天某刻某地從某單一角度與距離所見的某個──譬如說1/250秒的瞬間之成象,它已經這麼破損我不想再切割它而已。所謂創作是應該更節制的。


CB:在日常生活裡,有什麼吸引你,觸發你非舉機拍下不可?舉個例子。

L:我常常記起的倒是我沒有拍到的照片。有些時候我覺得拍照或所謂要找題材是很殘忍、也讓人羞愧的,例如睡在街上的人,拾破爛的老人和乞丐,衣衫襤褸的小孩,流離失所的人,這些我近年都沒有再拍,如果要拍他們我希望拍到他們的生活裡有尊嚴,溫暖的一面,哪怕只是一道微光;類似的例子是衝突和暴力場面,因為顯露的暴力常常讓人忘記日復日的、不流血的暴力,我比較關注後者發生在我們身邊的人身上所顯出的勞累,不為人注視的記痕...另一種我永遠拍不到的是親密的人和發生在他們中間的事,好像心疼不想把它定格,也因為我不想照片記下我與他們或是太遠或是太近的距離,我覺得私生活是應該被保護的,或許因為這樣,我常常會拍正在工作的人、街上的人,那是公開的,但每個個體有他們的獨特的,近乎私人的意態,就像Montaigne所說,「We are revealed in our gestures」,所以攝影始終是關於「可見」的世界,外在的,物質性的事物本身就是它所關注的。

 

圖說
選輯的照片是我在2004到2009年間在香港與台灣拍到的。拍的時候沒有特定的主題,除了交換了一個眼神,我沒有跟被拍的人物溝通過。睡在紙皮上的男人我後來沒有再在他睡覺的地方(九龍天星碼頭)見過他,國民黨老兵和其他窮困人棲身的寶藏岩已經被改建為藝術村。我希望照片中人都活得安好。

攝影/文:李智良;採訪:夏芝然

刪節版刊於《中國百老匯》#160期,2011年 1月。頁106-1013。此為足本。

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2 則留言 14 Jun, 11

書抄 #9

[...] The solitude of the photographic subject in space and time is correlative with the solitude of the object and its temperamental silence. What photographs well is what has found its temperamental identity, that is, no longer has need of the desire of the other.

The only deep desire is not for what I lack, nor even for the person who lacks me (though that is, itself, more subtle), but for the person who does not lack me, for what is perfectly capable of existing without me. Someone who does not lack me — that is radical otherness. Desire is awlays the desire for that alien perfection, at the same time as it is the desire perhaps to shatter it, to break it down. You get aroused only for things whose pefection and impunity you want both to share and to shatter.

Where does the objective magic of photography come from? The answer is that it is the object which does all the work. Photographers will never admit it, and always  argue that all the originality lies in their vision of the world. This is how they take photos which are too good, confusing their subjective vision with the reflex miracle of the photographic act.

That has nothing to do with writing, the seductive power of which is far superior. But photography’s power to stupefy is far greater than that of writing. It is rare for a text to be able to offer itself up with the same instantaneity, the same manifestness as a shadow, a light, a texture, a photographic detail. Just sometimes in Gombrowicz or in Nabokov, when their writing recaptures the trace of the original disorder, the material, objectal vehemence of things without qualities, the erotic potency of a senseless world.

—Jean Baudrillard. The Perfect Crime (Le crime parfait). Trans. Chris Turner. London & New York: Verso, 2008. p. 88-89.

 

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留言 08 May, 11

散光影子

那光恍惚,裂成碎片掉到牆上以前,有一抹在妳臉上流落。

是剛巧有車子從後面的坡道攀上來,繞過小公園前面的彎路,車燈照亮老樹垂擺的樹蔭,叫剛被風吹開來的一掛枝椏,影子打在浴室的氣窗,又在淋浴間沾滿水跡的玻璃門上滑落,零星映在妳的臉上,無意無聲,消失如像從來沒有──不過是妳掀起廁所板轉身拉下褲子要坐下去的一晃眼──妳聽不見車輪滾在柏油路上,聽不見渦輪機在轉,夜裡極為寧靜,泥蛙在草叢中懶懶叫鳴,風一下吹過窪地上的草葉樹梢聲音那麼像近岸的海浪,妳只能坐著,覺得腳板有點髒,踮著腳,尿從兩腿之間跑進廁盆‧‧‧‧‧‧

於是妳記起甚麼,不覺一臉是淚。眼淚溫燙,不知道所哭為何。妳覺得昏暗裡的一切,微末在動,彷彿這空氣、支撐著這空間的靜默,突然顯露,變成融化透明,懸浮在那無聲的氤氳裡,全然,幾乎靜穆,皮膚觸感分不清裡外,一隻手肘支著膝蓋的身子失重輕盈,散光影子淌漾,夜晚深處有些甚麼更安靜、深邃,它極其溫柔,不可止息;妳就在它裡面,它嚴密包裹著妳。

可是妳知道,只一念間,可以從這夜裡某個片刻,滑脫開去,就從這促狹的房子裡的一個染了塵的角落,掉進一種酗醉,跡乎狂喜,跡乎茫然。甚至不用轉身舉步,從處身此刻所感知的一切,離開,這活著不曉得痛與快的味兒,這身軀的囚禁,它底渴望而求之不得的一切聲色飽暖、自由與不自由‧‧‧‧‧‧此處或永恆,眼簾打開眼簾來不及閉上的頃刻,有一種只有向妳呼召也只有妳覺察到的牽引,毀掉一個人的驅力,那麼容易就會把妳牽引,拋擲開去。

妳以為不能記起、以為埋沒,可妳還是認出那招人失神、一直滑跌出去不可挽回的片刻,如蹈海者在甲板上見到陽光投落別人身後的長影會預感自己身亡。片刻不過是,妳突然意識到自己在經驗這一切聲色冷暖,塑造這一切模樣儼然印象,並無他人,這一切僅是為妳打開──身軀可是會憶記它碰過的身軀,以它所作的夢,以它串連的年歲,它由不得拒絕,痛楚快慰、累與酸麻,它有它的記憶,無法言語──

妳卻不敢直視鏡裡那身影輪廓,不想看一下自己的臉,背脊一涼,猶豫是不是自己才是它的倒影,對面那透明的佈局才是妳半夜醒來剛走進去的浴室,水龍頭哇哇流出的涼水來自對面,夜晚是哪個夜晚無以分別,於是未來變成何其漫長,此處或永恆,但顯然血還在皮肉裡面流竄,妳摸一下自己的口鼻,偷偷察覺那溫熱的呼息,妳突然敏感到,就在背後,就在這周圍,臨在眉睫前面這一切只有妳能看見其他人看不見、只有妳能觸摸所有人無法觸摸的此刻,它有所暗示,絕望與歡快,恐怖與寂靜,同時應允同時打開,同時是毀棄,白日白夜人影叢生無可依靠,兩耳之間聽不見的空洞有惡聲擾攘,裡面,會有不可觀照的變異,齟齪污衊,只是,它不一定發生在夜裡。

(可是妳停住了,妳既然認出,就把手擦乾,走去把被子蓋在身上,學著人們以一種不知情的無辜,體味這活著不曉得痛與快的味兒,這身軀的囚禁‧‧‧‧‧‧)

原刊《中大學生報》2011年3月,頁24。

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