我冀願有人把自己被「確診」或「誤診」為抑鬱症、躁鬱症、焦慮症、驚恐症、精神分裂等等名稱的人，言說這個經驗，那無以名況的，到底是一種怎樣的真實、構成怎樣的一個生活。Those who find they’re touched by madness, those who find themselves ridiculous, sit down next to me - in love, in fear, in hate, in tears……
起初，妳以為即使難過，幾個月、一個學期、一兩年、三五年下來就會好了。時光和人生可以用努力追回—— 並且人兒總是在13、14 歲或二十歲左右，coming of age 的人生卡口給斷定為精神病患—— 然後是三年、五年、十年或更長的光景，停學、失業，無法投進打工職業，無法穩續的活出一個身份…… 跌宕不能尋回，只能從憶述中賦予某種意義，但那個「意義」連自己也說服不了自己。而且，同時在忘記，藥物令人潵渙、令人忘記。
你說啊，「電擊治療」，不是Jack Nicolson 那齣「飛越瘋人院」、Bjork 那齣「Dancer in the Dark」和Angelina Jolin 那齣「Girls Interrupted」描述的那個時代裡才有的野蠻麼？但它在我城最先進的研究醫院裡還在做著。「先進」，僅在於病人每次都要全身痲醉，插呼吸機，四肢和頭顱被品質優良的護墊繃帶縛著，免除了肉體痛苦，去「電腦」。一星期兩次，廿多次才算一個「療程」，所有讀數記錄在案。「文明」，更在於病人是自願簽字接受治療，知悉醫療程序可能引致的後果，與人無尤。法律以人身安全為由剝奪你的人身自由，法律同時視你能夠自决判斷。
老友指出小站最近一直在轉貼他方、他人的事情。我無話可說，small time writer 就是small time writer ，幾乎是一種「示弱主義」。老友說找不到一份工作，倒没能在空閒寫作，到又要天天上班捱累那寫作的點子和興味又回來了…… 自己「生產力」長期處於低水平，離開了自己總做不成稱職的工作崗位，在其它的平台和場合卻是鬆開了一點點那閉著的嘴巴、緊著的眉頭，不是嗎？我不能用工作來愛你們，那就換過方式去愛你們好了。
from Thapa／平哥, a Nepali bar bender who goes on strike:
BAR BENDERS SUFFERINGS
I am a bar bender. I have been involved in this occupation since the past 11 years. So, I am putting forward here, the things I have seen and experience.
I hope you already know by now, how our bosses deduct our daily wage from $1200 to $550-$670 and extend the working hour up to 9 hours.
Now, I would like to tell you about the ill-treatment faced by us from the bosses. There is one word that we frequently hear and experience at work……that is “my sai jou a lei“!! This is the word we frequently hear when we work a little slowly, drink water or go to the toilet. Like:
1. Lei jou gam mang, my sai jou a lei!
You are working too slow, don’t you want to work / you can go!
2. Gam duo yam seui lei, my sai jou a lei!!
You are drinking so much water, you can leave if you don’t work!!
3. Gam dou wu liu lei, my sai jou a lei!!!
Why are you going to the toilet so much, you can leave if you don’t want to work!!!
Another problem is, the provision for the boss to sack the workers anytime. For example, if the boss is angry, he will say “get out right now!” or “don’t come to work from tomorrow!” If it rains around 10:00a.m., he will tell us to go home and give us two hours pay only.
The sweat from our body wets even our shoes. During the hot days, we eat very little during lunch because we will have vomiting if we are full and do hard work during the day. Due to the excessive sweating from heat, the muscles of our hands and feat begin to cramp. Even during times like that, the bosses, instead of showing sympathy, term us as powerless or weak person.
Despite all these ill-treatments and misbehaviours, we cannot work for more than 20 days in a month. Now, you think yourself and say, is our demand for daily wage of $900 and 8 hours of work reasonable or not?
