聯絡
18 Nov, 08 at 10:29am © 李智良
溝通工具的失效以通話流量的龐大、上下載數據蓋佔的空洞之遼濶、relay 的層級數目遞增為證，並且，發話的人經過層層語言關閘與技術迴路，穿越時間場境而沒有接通台端的敬啓者、也沒有遭遇自己，只有不住被技術迴路上生成的皮膚人形嚇倒。落在一種深深被拒絕於現時、此刻所見的孤單。我們不過是在介面和介面之間跟一個自己一手揑造的感情形象捉迷藏。講電話和沉默的兩羣人，壓廹者與被壓廹者隨時掉換身份。
是以，有人故意遮蓋自己的來電號碼顯示在早上掛電話給我並且禮貌問「你睡醒沒有？」我覺得很可怕、繼而是極端厭惡。
有人在晚上用私人號碼掛電話給我非常温婉的說是「某百貨公司打來的，你訂了的沐浴啫喱到貨了….」我也覺得很可怕，想到一個才廿歲的女孩許是某分銷商的零散工在百貨公司的出租攤位自己管進貨自己推銷下班逐個電話掛給小筆記本上抄下的名字…… 我竟然也接收、感染了同一種温婉的聲調、跟她說「好的，謝謝」，她就突然落入一刻的無語，又從先前的語調跳出來說，「那麼請在三天以內到取」而她那把嗓子沒能一下跟上那公事公辦的語氣，非常惹人憐惜。
其實每一通電話都不想接。總覺得又要應付甚麼、在不合適通話的場合裡跟電話另一邊用三言兩語交待、結束、應承、決定。並且回來。
每天，垃圾郵件中總有一個叫做「me」的發件人。還有標題寫得好熟稔、好窩心的外國人，色情、翻譯、留學、藥物、借貸，比我還清楚我的需要。
跟朋友交換電郵說的多是「公事」、「召集」、「策略」、「案子」。每天11am-2pm 和11pm- 2am 是大家發電郵的高峰期，星期六晚最是寧靜、Gtalk 上只幾個沒街去的孤魂面面相覷一副沒空理睬的樣子，好可憐，隱形和長期在線而不在電腦面前的，又把「見到」和「見不到」的分野朦糊。如果有人寫一個電郵只為問好，幾天沒想到怎麼答話。我們已經喪失了寫字的能力。心裡的說話憋著，總是覺得難為情，最輕的話也會碰傷脆弱的神經似的。
為了發長途電話短訊而裝在電腦上的插件，現在淪陷，又變成了沒見過的「同事」、翻譯工作的交收平台，而且發出去的短訊總是在電話網域和電話網域之間消失無踪，那邊從手機發過來的也是差不的情況，發的人不知道那邊收到沒有、收到的人又知道要是回覆對方也不必然會收到，一來一回俱成功收發的「命中率」顯然遞減，幾乎是連奇蹟也要非常執著才可發生……
歸結式的說法應該是，你站在一個地方等人，譬如說旺角西洋菜街Body Shop 門外，電話沒電、耳機的音樂無論如何蓋不過市聲，不敢走開，於是成為了推銷員的工作對象，推銷員推銷的產品叫「李智良」，無論你說多少次，「唔駛啦、唔該」，無論你的微笑多温婉。你不能走開去、也不能直認自己就是。
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文章類目: 離線生活
Tags: sentimentalism
4 則留言 按此留言
1. 黑黑 | 18 Nov, 08 at 09:16pm
The move of this little girl at 2:49 is crazily intriguing. Thanks for sharing here….
2. 李智良 | 19 Nov, 08 at 04:17am
yes, you spoted it there. you got keen eyes or what.
in the first bit she seems really enjoying herself, like flattered, expressive and with abandonment that is her charming way to say “i am shy, i am a flower…” and she is like talking to herself depite others… soon after 1:30 she lost it. and she is utterly lost… and somewhat like a caged little creature of anthropological interest… but she can’t stop there, the music is on, and she is caught there dancing for others, and she has only her dance… and that bit you spoted is magical and turn things around… it’s as if suddenly occurs to her that all she has is the dance, she accepts it, the knowledge brings out something else
i keep coming back to this clip, she danced better in others… but this one kills me, there is trememdous sadness in her moves, and the way she is being photographed and watched, and the silly editing tricks and wrong color balance only adds to that sadness… you can’t bear watching a little girl dying with so much life, nothing is repeatable
3. 黑黑 | 22 Nov, 08 at 12:02am
yes the dance has got certain sadness in it…or i feel like watching an inward struggle of a female expressed in the most subtle manner that she is accepted (?) to do so….
i just wonder if the little girl knows that energy of her movement…she is so young and still too sweet to be bitter….
Do you learn anything about these movement? i am quite interested after watching these clips you recommended. That’s so different from what i learnt, which i somehow treated it as an exit to, or in search for happiness and gratification…
4. 李智良 | 24 Nov, 08 at 04:59pm
speaking of “acceptance”… did you see that smile at 3:34? could have moved me to tears
i don’t know anything about those movement/ steps, but they seem typical of the folk dances excerpts i saw… the song is by Kunti Moktan, who is well known among nepalis… it is said she is also a school teacher, and it seems dancing to pop/folk songs such as hers become a way of tribute, a way of missing home in festive settings among the migrant communities overseas…
that is why you often see classroom settings such as this, where banner and very minimal of decorations are improvised to celebrate the new year of the nepali calendar (which, as far as i remember, is somtime around March or April; and they are already in year 2065 now)
i think it all contribute to the sad factor… 2nd or 3rd generations (if that categorization make sense at all) are almost removed from whatever that is “homeland”
the feminie, the capricious, the child-woman, the sexual undertone, or particular reading of the body in these movements/steps can inspire much male guilt on my part… (if i care about people’s opinion)… the SMALL steps and footwork in these would drives one crazy… and it tells alot about how women is supposed to “express” themselves in dances
the male guilt in question is particularly orientalist, as of anyone would have growing up in a “metropolitan” city in developed world where a large part of social costs/risks are put on women/migrants…
it is also orientalist with a twist, because we learnt very differently (like you said) and seem more comfortable to “express” oursleves in western conductives, or westernized conductives of the native… and the comback of the new age ethos, with the stress on relation between body and cultural identity, nature and men, respect to multitudes, etc etc was in the first place a stolen vocaubulary
i can go on, but i want to stop here
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